I have worked with them for so long and yet they have always been someone else’s angels
Now i sit and pray for my very own angel to come to me.. to take me by the hand and let me know he is well and happy
There are days to be honest i an sorry that i woke up again, not because i long for death, but because i was not in this reality.
People who havent gone through loss cannot fully grok the magnitude of how it permiates your life. I sense the frustration of people who don’t understand why i keep thinking about or being reminded of.. but what they don’t understand is that i am thinking of my dad as often as i always did all my life, it is just that these moments are all now chased with the broken shards of loss that pierce my heart. Sometimes i hold back the tears and sometimes i can’t.
Today we visited a catholic church in the heart of Istanbul and i lit a candle for my dad and for all those who have transitioned. I keep wanting to be amgry at G-d… However G-d for me is like a third parent for me, even when i dont understand or agree, it is a bond i cannot break. I feel as close to G-d whethere i am in a temple or synogogue or church or mosque. I believe that G-d comes to all of us in whatever voice is the most harmonious to the listener’s ear. All paths to me lead to the one common consciousness of the universe… There is all knowing, all love and all peace.
I hope my father is there now having all the secrets of the universe revealed to him. I know his brilliant mind is absorbing it all and adding to the IQ of our collective consciousness.
There are no words that i can write or day that can even come close to expressing how deeply i miss him. Every cell of my body, which he had a hand in creating, cries for his hugs today.
But tomorrow will be a new day.
And i will do my best to greet it with a smile.
Hope those of you who feel this way too can find the strength make a smile to greet a new day too.
love – Dawn